Can you care too much?
hand reaches towards a sun setting in a field
A look at enmeshment or codependency
Caring for others is one of the most human things we do. It helps us feel connected, valued, and purposeful. But sometimes, that caring can tip into over-caring; when we start carrying other people’s emotions, responsibilities, or wellbeing as if they were our own.
You might recognise it if you:
Feel anxious or guilty when someone you love is struggling
Step in to fix things, even when you’re exhausted
Struggle to say no or to let others face consequences
Feel unsure where your needs end and theirs begin
When care becomes over-care, it can leave us drained, resentful, or unsure of who we are outside of helping others.
Enmeshment and Codependency: What’s the Difference?
Both terms describe blurred emotional boundaries, but they show up slightly differently.
Enmeshment often begins in families where love and responsibility get tangled. A parent might rely on a child for emotional support, (“I love my little boy so much; he’s literally my best mate”) or everyone feels responsible for everyone else’s moods. Individual needs get lost in the group’s emotions.
Codependency tends to describe adult relationships where one person’s self-worth depends on being needed. We may become the helper, rescuer, or fixer, and find it hard to rest unless we’re solving someone else’s problems.
In both cases, our identity can become tied to care-taking rather than authentic connection.
Why We Over-Care
Over-caring often starts with good intentions. Perhaps you grew up in a household where peace depended on keeping others happy, or where your needs were secondary. Children are very creative and resourceful; being the reliable one or not showing your emotions might have kept you safe, loved, or valued.
As adults, those patterns can continue even when they leave us burnt out or unseen. We may believe we’re being kind, but the truth is, caring that costs us our wellbeing isn’t sustainable.
Finding Balance: Care Without Losing Yourself
Healthy care has boundaries (oh hi!) a recognition that you are separate from the other person. You can care about them without taking over.
Some gentle steps toward balance might include:
Pausing before you step in: ask, “Is this mine to fix?”
Tuning into your body: tension or exhaustion can signal over-involvement
Letting others manage their own emotions: trusting they can find their way
Nurturing your own needs: rest, hobbies, and support that’s just for you
Learning to care without over-caring doesn’t mean becoming cold or detached. It means allowing both people to have space to grow.
If you recognise yourself in this, you’re not alone. Many people learn these patterns early in life, and it takes compassion - not blame - to begin changing them.
Counselling can help you explore where your patterns began, and how to build boundaries that allow for genuine, balanced connection.
